I want to quit- but I am self-employed.

‘In times of great uncertainty, one looks to subject matter experts for researched guidance or those with opposing views to broaden one’s perspectives. This is (or was) my first global health pandemic. I have found myself in several stages. The first was one of absolute intellectual intrigue, seeking predated disciplines that offered new world equivalents. The second was deep insecurity and fear as my familiar world shattered at my feet. The third thinly veiled optimism to find the opportunities that were buried amongst the mist. The fourth grave disappointment that the world and life I knew had been stolen. And most recently, an attempt to normalise and embrace the newest version of reality.

The internet is testament to the abundance of information that resides in the collection of billions of minds. Before covid, I was eager to explore and unpack the changing dynamic between technology and that of humanity. I wanted to research, test and analyse if there were techniques, tools and new skills that I could resonate with and make them broadly available- I even got a fancier smart watch to offer some empirical data.’

The expression that ‘life happens while you’re making plans’ could not be more apt. The above two paragraphs were written months ago and my Garmin watch enabled ‘baseline’ is anything but credible with the highs and lows of getting engaged and married, additions and losses to my family unit and several other attempts to normalize a never, ever normal.

I believe that people are different and what works miracles for one person may not necessarily render the same results for someone else. Over the last two years, I have even found that the same inputs did not provide me with the same outputs. Against the backdrop of what has been dubbed as the ‘great resignation’ and if the data from my smart watch is anything to go by, I should be joining the flock of individuals who quit their job to find more purposeful and meaningful work. It is a hard-hitting truth to share with my boss, especially given the fact that I am self-employed.

In broad strokes, it is not the work itself but the way in which I am doing it. I remain passionate about how adults learn and consulting to create more conducive working environments that enable individuals to show up as their best selves. The pandemic has expanded on the notion that work-life balance and the flexibility required thereof extends who we are from 09h00–17h00 on a weekday, where we are geographically located and the scope of our core work responsibilities and focus. It may just be gluttony, but I can’t help but think that living a fulfilled life can only positively lend itself to high-performance and that this would be with the inclusion opposed to the suppression of creative outlets.

The perfectionist in me feels compelled to do all the work and research to emerge with a final product that I can stand behind. This is in stark contradiction with my results-driven nature and in the words of Jason Jennings two decades ago, ‘it’s not the big that will eat the small, but the fast that will eat the slow’. So, while it may not always be pretty, I will publicly document my series of experiments and perhaps what may not work for me can speed up the learning cycle for those who are similar, or it may be beneficial for others that are geared differently.

So, while a final website and product may remain in the works, I invite you to join me for the ride.